Patience.

Patience

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. 

Patience has always been something I've struggled with. I don't like to wait. I don't like to dawdle  I don't like when things aren't done the right way, the first time (does anybody, really?). Its (an annoying) part of my strong personality. Yet somehow, when it comes to being a mom, I have an outpouring of patience.

Where the heck does that come from?

On a difficult day, after I've dealt with hours and hours of frustration. When I'm ready to put my head through a wall, when I want to just scream. And then suddenly, there is my second (third, fourth) wind. And it starts all over.

1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient...

Now, normally that verse is taken and used in a romantic sense, like at a wedding. But I don't think it was meant to only be interpreted that way. How much does God love us? How incredibly patient is He with us? If He can be patient with me, after all the crap I've done, I can certainly suck it up and work on getting my baby down for a nap just a little bit longer.

Because when I feel like that, when I am frustrated and irritated and annoyed, and she looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes and smiles... yeah, I can be patient.

Yay boobs!

We have been formula free for three days! Woop! I am ecstatic. I am officially making enough to completely satisfy my chunk butt (16lb!!). Now, I just need to start working on pumping and building a freezer stock! She simply refuses to drink formula at all now, so I definitely need to get a stash going.

I have also NIP twice this week, cover free! Once was at church in the dim cry room in the back row, but I still count it. Today, I nursed her during our Target outing. I attempted to nurse in the mei tai (which I'm loving, by the way), but she's not used to eating sitting up, so that didn't quite work. I ended up having to hold her and walk around the store. I definitely feel like a badass. The only part that was difficult was latching on while being discreet. I need to figure out how to pull my boob out and put the baby on without anyone seeing. Any tips on that would be appreciated!

Completely un boob related, I've been more aware of how much trash all these diapers create. Starting tomorrow, I'll be keeping track of how many diapers we go through in a week and calculating out the cost. I may consider a cloth diaper service. If it ends up less money, or around the same, I think I may go for it. I don't have the will (or the stomach) to launder the diapers at home. Anybody use a diaper service before? How did you like it?

I love my daughter.

You've been warned. This is about to get super cheese ball.

I love my daughter.

I know, duh.

This love is a completely unspeakable, overwhelming, breath taking love that jerks me down to the center of my being. I didn't know it was possible to have this much love for such a little person.

Sometimes, I look at her, and it wells up so big inside me that it spills over.

The first time I laid eyes on her, I held my breath and waited for that blissful cry. She looked like a goopy, red, pointy headed alien. She was beautiful.

When she wakes up, stretches her little baby legs, looks at me and gives me that gummy grin.

When she cries because I leave the room.

When she gets excited to see me walk back in the room.

When she reaches forward with those razor sharp baby nails to grab my nose.

When she follows me around the room with her eyes.

When she rubs her sleepy face all over me.

My life is not perfect. My situation is not ideal. Things could be better. But life as we know it, is beautiful.

I love my daughter.

Breastfeeding is a b*tch

Breastfeeding is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than labor. Once I pushed that baby out, labor was over. Breastfeeding has been a constant battle.

Thanks to a comment from someone, I purchased a supplement called More Milk Plus by Motherlove. It has been my life saver. My milk supply is thriving. We're slowly weaning of the stupid nipple shield, and once that's gone I'm confident we will be 100% breast milk! Good thing, too, because this little turkey butt is refusing formula now. She gags dramatically when she realizes its formula she's drinking.

My only battle now is nursing in public (NIP). I absolutely hate the nursing cover. It makes it impossible for me. And I am ashamed to NIP because of some comments from family I've heard. Not towards me, but towards other people. I read a blog yesterday that made me feel really empowered to be a nursing mom! America is the only country that breastfeeding is not normal! It's my baby's right to eat wherever and whenever she is hungry. I'm "taking" a 7 day email correspondence course to become a "Badass Public Breastfeeder". I've only gotten one email so far, but it did  make me feel like a bad ass. We'll see if it really boosts my confidence. (Sign up to be a Badass Public Breastfeeder here)

Hope that helps some mommas the way its helped me. Happy Friday!