Taking Our Thoughts Captive

Disclaimer: This is rambly and all over the place. Sorry!
I also can't figure out why the format turned out so weird... Nothing I did fixed it! :)

One of my favorite things to do is sit and look at old pictures. I love piecing together the memory in the photograph, and taking myself back to that time, reliving Christmas or Thanksgiving or vacation. I love seeing the way our looks have changed over the years, or seeing the different backgrounds of the houses I grew up in.

But it doesn't take long before my mind is swirling with shame and disappointment.

I look back at those times, and take myself back to that place. I often find myself wishing for a do over. I wish I could just go back and do things differently. I was such an idiot. How could I have acted that way? Why did I do that? What was I thinking when I said that?! I was SO stupid! Why didn't I just listen? Why did I have to take the hard way?

I try to rationalize myself out of feeling like crap: If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be where I am today, I wouldn't have Emmalee. I got a baby out of those choices. They led me to my sweetie.

But really, that doesn't help at all. I wouldn't give up my daughter for anything in the world, but I still feel incredibly crappy for the life choices I've made. 

This self abuse goes on for quite some time. The longer I sit and let myself think about it, the more things I think of that I've done wrong. The more things I think of, the harder it is to get the on top of my thoughts.

What good does it do to sit and dwell on what could have been? All it does is make me more miserable. I can't do anything about it now. All I can do is move forward.

Believing this is hard. Especially after hours and hours of abusing thoughts. I try to focus on favorite bible verses, try to plan meals, try to think song lyrics... But still, those vile words come bubbling back to the surface. I can't focus on anything else. I picture a fast flowing stream, water crashing over the surface of rocks, pressing anything on the surface down to the depths, because that's how it feels. Like I'm drowning in negativity. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 says, " and every arrogant obstacle that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obey Christ." (NET). 

Arrogant obstacles. That's all these thoughts are. They are standing in between me and my quiet time with the Lord. They are hindering my ability to soak up the Word. They are an attack, coming against me, when I try to build myself up in Him.

So I press forward. I picture those abusive words in my mind, I lasso them up--literally take them captive--and send them where they belong. I pluck each one of those phrases or words out of the picture in my head, I pull them out, and I make them obey Christ.

I am smart. I am strong. I make good choices. I am proud of who I am. I am new.

I am free.

Why I babywear

I've been asked recently, quite a few times actually, why I wear Emmalee so much. I even had someone say to me, "WHY would anyone want to do that?" after watching me wrap her. I'm a little taken a back when someone says that to me, because what reason is there not to wear her? Well, here are the reasons I wear my baby:

1. She's heavy
My 6 month old baby weighs 22 lbs! Carrying around 22 lbs all day gets TIRING. It's not like I have a 22lb toddler who can follow me around on her own, I have a 22 lb INFANT. She has to be carried! My arms go numb after about 5 minutes.

2. She's clingy
She has major separation anxiety. I can't carry her around all day (see above), and there's only so much a person can do one handed. If I ever want to do any cleaning or laundry (okay, I never want to clean, but I have to), I have to wear her. Or listen to my baby scream and cry while I vacuum? No thanks.

3. It puts her to sleep
I have said before what trouble I have getting Emmalee to sleep. She does not like to nap. It never ever ever fails, when she goes on my back, she goes to sleep.

4. Hands free nursing
Pretty self explanatory here

5. Strollers are bulky and annoying
That dang stroller takes up my entire trunk. I can't put anything else in it. It's not light, its hard to fold. I use the stroller when I go for walks with Em, but when I'm grocery shopping its much easier to wear her then to try and push a stroller and cart simultaneously.

This one is the biggest one,

6. I want to be close to her
I love my baby, and my baby loves me. I want to hug and snuggle and kiss her all day long. I want my baby to be as attached to me as I am to her. It's how nature intended it.

Teething remedies

Teething sucks. Like, mega sucks. It's terrible to look at your miserable baby and feel totally and completely powerless to help them. It breaks my heart to see sweet Emmy fussy and whiny, because I know she doesn't feel well. Not to mention, it makes my job as Mom a whole lot harder (Did I pray for patience? I take it back).

Here are the things that help my peanut immensely:

Baltic Amber
Jump on the hippie train and get your baby a Baltic Amber necklace. Actually, while you're at it, get yourself one too. I didn't believe this stuff could work--until I tried it. Baltic Amber is fossilized tree resin. When its warmed (like when its against your skin) it releases succinic acid, which acts as an analgesic. A completely natural way to to reduce inflammation, thereby making those teething symptoms disappear.

Chamomile Tea
Some days, the amber just isn't enough. I purchased these popsicle molds from Walmart (I looked everywhere else, Walmart was a last resort!). I brewed very strong chamomile tea, and made Em some popsicles. The cold is soothing and the chamomile calming, a perfect combination to help remedy the pain. (Ask your doctor before you try this! I'm not a medical professional, just a blogger.)

Frozen Breastmilk 
What's more comforting than mommy's milk? Probably nothing. I use the same popsicle molds for breast milk.

Snuggles
=)

Hylands Teething Tablets
These are pretty near my last resort. You may have seen the recall floating around, don't worry, it's from 2010. They were pulled from the shelves and completely reformulated. I hesitate to use these because they contain Belladona, and I'm just not crazy about my daughter consuming it.

Lastly,

Tylenol
Tylenol is my absolute last resort. I'd rather not use it at all. But three-four days into some serious teething and lack of sleep, something has got to give. I'm a single mom, I don't get breaks! Be sure to consult your doctor on the proper dosage for your baby. If your baby is on the cusp of dosage weight wise, opt to go for the lower one. Acetaminophen is rough on the liver and your baby isn't working with a whole lot. =)

Hope that helps!

Quick update =)

Emmalee is 6 months old! I can't even comprehend how its been 6 whole months since I brought my angel into the world.

She has her 6 month appointment tomorrow morning, but I estimate she's around 22 lbs. She is heavvyyy. My arm gets tired if I carry her from the back of the house to the front. Thank goodness for babywearing! I went totally nerdy and had a half birthday party for her. It was just the immediate family, but I baked us a cake and Emmalee got her own very cake also! I'm amazed at how well it turned out. If it had been sweeter, its something I'd actually eat! I posted the recipe here.

I've furthered my "crunchy" life style. I'm pretty surprised at the weirdo I've become, actually. It just made no sense for me to work so hard to reduce the chemicals in Emmalee's life, if I was still going to expose her to the chemicals in mine! Once I got started with one natural substitute for a daily item (deodorant, toothpaste) it was pretty easy for everything else in my life to just follow suit. Read my crunchy update here.

I promise to get back into the swing of things! I have about 15 draft posts I've written over the last two months, that just never got posted because I hit a "wall" and couldn't make anything sound good!

Never fear, I'm back ;)

Emmalee's Breastmilk Birthday Cake

I had a half birthday party for my daughter. I know, super lame.

I am doing Baby Led Weaning (BLW) with Emmalee, so she hasn't really started "eating" food, she kinda just plays with it. She also has not had any sort of grains, because I didn't start with rice cereal.

I wanted Em to have a cake to celebrate, but I didn't want her eating sugar or gluten. I searched for some recipes and I found one which I thought was a pretty good starting point. Really, I'm surprised this recipe even turned out at all, because I tweaked it a lot and my measurements are slightly ridiculous. I halved the original recipe, which is why the measurements are strange.

2 T plus 2 tsp breast milk
1/4 tsp ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar)
1/2 tsp honey
A little less than 1/4 cup applesauce (wonky, I know. Guesstimate)
3/4 tsp vanilla
1 cup, plus 2 T, plus 2 tsp almond flour
A little more than 1/4 a tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt.

Preheat oven to 325. Line four spaces in a muffin tin (or, be a procrastinator like I am and be forced to grease the tin instead)
In a mixing bowl, combine the ACV and breast milk until it curdles. (Mine never curdled, but I waited until I could see a physical reaction and moved forward with the recipe) Mix in honey, applesauce, and vanilla. Slowly add in flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of each cupcake comes out clean. (I'd make sure to watch your cakes closely).

That's it! I didn't frost them, because my 6 month old doesn't need frosting! To me, it tasted more like a biscuit but she loved them! Of course, you can always add more sweetener if you are adapting this for an older child. If you do add more, I'd substitute agave nectar for honey. Enjoy!

No 'Poo

Since my last crunchy post, I've gone a lot more natural!

My daily regimen is now full of baking soda and activated charcoal instead of phthalates and carcinogens.

The switch that I thought was going to be the hardest for me (but actually turned out to be the easiest, and the best!) was to go No 'Poo. No, not the potty poo, shampoo poo. I have (ridiculously) long, thick hair that I treasure like no other. The thought of ditching shampoo wasn't scary (it sounded impossible, but not scary), but saying goodbye to my conditioner sounded like my hair's death sentence. To my surprise, my hair has never looked better and my scalp is in great condition.

There are quite a few reasons to consider ditching the 'poo. Shampoo messes with your scalp's natural pH levels. It washes away all the oils on your head. I know, that's what you "like" it to do. But when that oil gets washed away, your scalp is all like "oh CRAP. The oil is gone! I'm dry as the Sahara! PRODUCE PRODUCE PRODUCE". Then you end up with greasy and blah hair, because your scalp is over compensating. Like I said, there are many reasons to toss the Pantene, but this is the one that really rang true to me, because I learned this about the skin on my face when I was a teenager. If my face does it, why wouldn't my head?

So, here's what I use now: Baking soda and Apple Cider Vinegar. That's it. My hair is so soft and shiny, my scalp doesn't itch, and I even have less hair falling out than I used to. I only need to wash my hair every 4-5 days, it just doesn't get gross anymore! Its fantastic!

I'd recommend dissolving 1 tsp of baking soda in 1 cup of warm water as your shampoo. Pour that on your scalp, rub it around a little if you need to in order to feel like you're washing your hair, and leave it for a few minutes. Any more baking soda/any less water and you run the risk of frying your hair. Now, for the conditioner, 1 T of ACV in 1 cup of warm water. I put the ends of my hair as far into the mixture as I can, let my hair soak of some of the solution, and then pour a little bit over my scalp. I let that sit until I'm done with the rest of my shower and then I give a quick rinse. Yes, it stinks like vinegar in the shower, but your hair won't smell when you get out, I promise.

I make mine ahead of time and store in jars by the shower, so I don't have to rush to make shampoo and conditioner every time I need to wash my hair. If you do that, be prepared for the cold shock when you're standing in the warm water and you pour room temperature water on your head! I wasn't prepared.

It sounds crazy, but it's well worth it! You'll love your new do. No 'Poo!